I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
