You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
