Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
