there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
