I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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