we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
