I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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