do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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