She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
You're breaking my sexual little heart
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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