just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
