when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
