someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
