There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
The uberlube is also flammable
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
