There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
