and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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