Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
