u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
