Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
