you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
