are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
