I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
