do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
