Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
