I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
