half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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