There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
mondays should just be called national damage control day
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
