Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
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