And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
