well I can't set my house on fire every night
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
