And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
