I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Rumble strips road head = magical
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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