I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I just googled if crying burns calories
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
