Kiss
Puke
just come out here and I will go home with you...
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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