His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
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