Barsexuality is the new black.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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