In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
