I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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