One girl and one boy is just not enough.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Are my feet made of real feet?
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Did you pee in the oven last night??
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
