Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
