Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
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