I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
