There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
