Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
