So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
