Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
