i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
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