So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
