are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
she pinky promised me she was 18
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
