WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
