I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
