dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
