His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
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