i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
